My pets are the loves of my life. But especially Dante. But ESPECIALLY Cormac.

Corms is getting old, folks. He’s not goblin up everything like he used to…actually his appetite is quite poor, and it hurts me to watch him LITERALLY TURN AWAY CAT FOOD. I’ve been feeding him anything he wants to eat, and maybe it’s my imagination, but he’s just not feeling it. He’s slow, so slow, getting down the stairs at the new apartment to go for walks. (we take the elevator up to the 3rd floor but walk down every time.) He sleeps most of the day, unless it’s walking time, and it’s all I can do to lay beside him and listen to him breathe. I love my dog, and I don’t see him being here for much longer. What have I got left with a 14.5 year old dog? maybe a year? less? it splinters my heart and I can assure you writing this is making me cry hopeless tears.

Well, fuck.

So anyway, I’m taking him to the vet pretty soon, he’s due for his yearly checkup and his appetite is really worrisome. If they tell me bad news, I honestly cannot throw money back at them to fix it, and that hurts too. I’m not going to fundraise, which I think can be unsavory at the best of times, and would be kind of a dick move in the midst of a financially and emotionally crippling pandemic. I do not want your money, loyal reader. I really don’t.

What I want is to give my beloved puppy an end to his life that honors who he was to me, who he continues to be. I don’t want him to suffer, and I don’t want him to be in pain. If I do ask for help, it’ll be for an in-home euthanasia, which is something I’ve always hoped I would be able to do for my babies.

Fuck, why do I feel the need to blog this? (I know why) Why am I sobbing at the possibility I knew was coming? Maybe they’ll check him out and give me a magical and fixable reason why he WON’T EAT.

Maybe they won’t. Probably that.

Well, until I know anything for sure, loyal reader, I appreciate you for listening/reading. I’m going to spend the evening with my puppy and the kitten, on the couch, watching something stupid and cuddling him while he dreams.

(Dante is fine, by the way. He had French fries this weekend. THAT dummy will eat anything.)