A year ago tomorrow, I left my marital house, after I told my ex husband that I had obtained a lawyer for the divorce. He said he was ‘saddened’ by my choice to follow through with the divorce he had asked for. He told me I had to leave immediately, and access to the house could be only through legal representations’ permission. He was in Portland with his girlfriend, and had no leg to stand on, legally, but I was mostly packed already, so I took my pets and left. The women above as well as countless others showed their support in so many late night text rants, and sweet messages of encouragement, and countless brave and wonderful acts of kindness. Thanks, everyone.

Tomorrow, I get the keys for my new apartment, the one I’ve been hoping for since I started shopping over a year ago. Break Up apartment is packed and mostly ready to go, although the big move doesn’t happen until next Saturday. I still have to:

1. switch out the shower head I installed (well, a kind friend installed) for the original, since that shit ain’t cheap and I’m taking it with me.
2. switch out the faucet for the sink in the bathroom, same deal.
3. Pack my kitchen so that I have access to food and coffee (mostly coffee) for the week while I move.
4. Pack my fridge, same.
5. move my work stuff to my new apartment via my car, due to confidentiality and privacy concerns. No one else can transport that stuff.
6. Pack my bedroom and tape the box with my personal stuff closed prior to the move.
7. take down my curtains.
8. measure each piece of furniture so I can…
9. Print out my floor plan and plan so that everything big, that I can’t move myself, goes in the right spot during the move.
10. Fix the chair to my vanity so that the seat doesn’t wiggle or come off.
11. find some way to donate/sell/get rid of everything that’s not going with me.
12. Completed-hire a cleaning crew for the old apartment.
13. Completed-hire a moving crew for obvious reasons.
14. Completed-forward my mail starting on the 15th.
15. Get the money order for the first prorated month, storage, pet deposit, etc.

I have a busy week ahead of me. I should be sleeping in today, since it’s the weekend and I have the chance to do it. There’s going to be a lot of work to do in the next two weeks, and I really need to mind my self-care for the times I’m straining my body/brain/soul.

But instead I’m writing to you, loyal readers, because I feel feelings about this move, and I want to share.

I am so grateful, first of all, for my family and all the acts of service and expressions of love they have given me this year. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve kept and who have nurtured our relationships to keep them healthy and vibrant. I’m grateful for my career and the people I’ve met, clients and coworkers, doing something I’ve wanted to do for years upon years.

I am grateful for Dante and Cormac…I hope Moro is cared for and loved.

I am proud of myself for doing as much of the move myself as I am able. Sure, I’m hiring movers for the the big stuff, and I’m happy to do it. Certainly my family and friends here are helping, some of them helping a whole bunch, and I do not feel alone. Being alone and doing things on your own are two totally different concepts in my mind, and the former would be horrible, the latter is a source of pride. I’m proud of myself, as well, for looking up how to do things instead of hoping someone will come along and get them done for me. Old Jady may have done that, New Jady can handle her shit, mostly.

I have a flower vase full of rose petals from my old house. I bought the roses in purple, to make a garden bed specifically to remember my sister Ashley, and those petals have been in my Break Up Apartment from the first night I spent here, crying myself to sleep. My good friend suggested I crush them up and mix them into the potting soil of a new plant for the new apartment, which is a delightful and witchy idea. I love it. I’m thinking something purple, maybe lavender. So that’s on the list for today as well.

Wish me luck, loyal reader!