Good evening, beautiful and loyal readers! I’m 35. can you believe it!

34 was an incredible, transforming year for me. Things I did: start my new career, left a toxic relationship, made and kept and rekindled friendships, moved out on my own. Things I kept include the Cat and Dog, family, loved ones, and my sense of humor. Things I left behind include accepting abuse/toxic ‘friends’, my old hopes and dreams…although not all of that last one.

I still plan on being a mom, although for the first time in a long, long while, I’m glad a baby is not yet on the radar. I have things to do on my own to be the best possible mommy. I’m willing and able to wait, although some days are easier than others.

I’m excited for the year to come, and with excitement comes nerves. I took off work this past Thursday, since my workplace gives a day off for people’s birthdays, and I certainly wasn’t going to let that pass me by. Taking off a day of work seems nice enough, although honestly it sent me up the wall, since we’re getting a new therapist starting Monday, and we had two big days of treatment in a row, but I was non-optionally told to stay off my work computer and take the day off, dammit, by manager and coworkers. Sadly, part of being passionate about one’s job is that there’s never truly a ‘day off’, there are just days you don’t go into the office (or on the work computer), but there’s a small bit of your brain on the clock no matter what. I’m happy, sure, to have a job I love. It would be nice not to worry over my clients on my vacation, however. It probably would have been easier if I had physically distanced myself from town, which was the original plan, but coronavirus killed that possibility, so I staycationed instead. (so many buzzwords! the archeologists who read these texts 500 years from now are going to have a hell of a time translating. Sorry guys!)

I spent Thursday-Sunday gathering my thoughts, getting oodles of birthday flowers, and spending time at home. I wanted to be ready to speak mad wisdom about the first 1/3 of my life, when I managed to still myself long enough to write. Not sure about the wisdom, to be honest, but there are a few things I’ve learned about myself and my life that I certainly want to get on (digital) paper.

1. I love so, so hard. My family? the best ever. My friends? Die for them in a heartbeat. My pets? Oh, well come on, we all know I’m obsessed. I love deeply, and that’s only been a problem when the ones I’ve loved took advantage of my emotions and used them selfishly. That’s no excuse not to keep on loving like crazy. Doubtful I could stop it if I tried.
2. I am a creature of creation…if I’m not making art, I don’t feel good. Blogging is fine and good, but it’s not the same as making a dazzling painting, or writing for real. I need to take the time to do these things or I don’t feel right.
3. My self care is service. When I’m doing kindness for others, I feel infinitely better than I do without. Having a non-profit job is a nice way to do this and still make rent, but it’s just not enough. (So is it selfish to be selfless because it’s rewarding? Good question, Jady. Good question to keep you awake all night. way to go planting that seed.)
4. My body is a temple, and I’m a natural agnostic. So I could talk about how it feels better to do physical stuff too, but I haven’t found the work out that I love enough to commit to my schedule. I should do it quick, though, because part of my 5 year plan is being a smoking hot mommy. Bikram yoga has come the closest, and I have to admit my 30-day yoga challenge was incredible, remember that? In any case, I need to find the true believer in myself and clear out the crap on the (extended metaphor) altar. I walked two miles today, for example, and it felt good, and wasn’t that bad when I was doing it. So it’s an attainable goal. I’ve got a great body…in a fine layer of apathy, lately, and I’d like that extra weight to drop away. The literal only way to do that is eat better and work out. So I better find a way to love doing it.
5. I like what I like. I spent a good decade in a relationship with someone who consistently shit all over my tastes in music, movies, whatever you can think of, and it made me feel like I was a wierdo and a freak. Now I listen to my music when I want to, and watch what I want to watch, and you can come along for the ride or drop off the side, and frankly if it’s the latter, peace out, I’ll toss you a float.

So there’s my wisdom. Love hard, make art, do good, work out your demons, and dig who you are. Seems easy and obvious, no? Took me 35 years, and I’m a quick study, so no worries if you need to catch up. Oh, and also, my confidence has improved. I’ll spend a few (billion) hours worrying over that and whether feeling good about myself means I’m a monster, so don’t worry, Jady’s still Jady.

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, by the way, and I love your faces!