Lone

Good evening, loyal reader. 

Tonight, the lone wolf wolves alone. By that I mean [redacted] has me [redacted] from 3-7am.  Remind me to be pissed off when I’m not feeling terribly unsafe. i know that right now I’m not on the best of terms with [redacted] but the least they can do is not set me up for failure/undue stress. It’s really difficult to do well when your own team isn’t rooting for you. Goddamn it, I want to be treated like I matter. In a good way. 

But enough bitching about [redacted], I have good things coming up in my future…Portland! The Husband and I are going to that lovely city next Wednesday for a week! It’s my first vacation since we moved to SLC, and I am eager to go to a town with reasonable liquor laws. We’re staying with my Godfather, who is awesome, and going to a Halloween party, which will also be awesome, and generally relaxing and enjoying each other’s company, which will be all kinds of awesome. 

Plus, I had two dates this week, and I think both of them really liked me. I won’t know for a while about one, but the other asked me on a second date at their place on Monday. I’m nervous/excited/nervous, and I want to put my best face forward. Dress is casual, and there’s going to be a lot of talking and communicating. I guess this is the point at which I should decide if I want them to like-like me anyway, but I’m waiting until the second date is over before I make up my mind. So far? They’ve made a really good first impression. 

Ugh, I can’t stop thinking about [redacted]…I feel so shitty about how I do what they ask me to do, and it’s probably because I’ve gotten nothing but negative feedback for the last 3 weeks. Every little thing I do wrong is being scrutinized, and I don’t think it’s fair. It’s bullshit, frankly. I’m so frustrated that I can….

No. 
NO!
I will not let this negativity drag me down. (I sound like a hippie, dammit) I will maintain my integrity and keep my head held high. I will take this like a champ. Even if I DO want to go cry in the corner because apparently nobody likes me. Ugh. I’m such a pussy sometimes. 

NO!

I will not be self-disparaging, either. I’ve made mistakes, and some of that negative feedback was warranted, sure, but I am a good person and I deserve to be treated as if I am of value. 

UGH. 

It’s too early to be writing about all this, I just sound like a whiny little princess. Have a good morning, loyal reader, and remember that you are worthwhile, too.