Can’t talk about work. Confidentiality. Very stressful. 
Can talk about switching meds. The Plan:
4 days at 10mg abilify (from original dosage of 12.5mg….which is a bitch dosage because you have to split a 10 and a 15 pill in half and combine, and those pills are teeny)
4 days at 7.5mg
4 days at 5mg to establish a baseline
THEN add 150mg Wellbutrin in the mornings (staying on 5mg abilify), see how that shit works out for about 2.5 weeks, and THEN go see doctor on the 19th of October and if she thinks I’m doing well, drop the 5mg abilify and raise dosage to 300mg Wellbutrin. 
This whole time I’m also on 1050mg lithium, which never changes. 
Why are you being so frank and open about your med regimen, Jady? Isn’t that a deeply personal matter? Good questions. I’m sure you all remember why I started this blog. The reasons are threefold. One, it gives me motivation to write as often as possible. Two, my memory sucks and I have to remember these things. Three, because I want to be part of the movement to de-stigmatize bipolar disorder. This falls under categories two and three. Kinda also category one…because my brain is being a dick right now and I wouldn’t be writing otherwise. 

I’m not ashamed of being bipolar I. I’m not ashamed of needing medication to control it. I’m annoyed, sure, but that’s not the same thing. So I’m discussing my med changes as openly as possible to empower myself, maybe give someone else the boost of confidence they need to seek effective treatment, and FUCKING REMEMBER IT ACCURATELY. I forget the way these things go down, just ask The Husband. 

 Anyway, right now I’m on my….second? day of 7.5mg, and my brain is being a snotty little brat about it. She’s telling me I’m fat, and ugly, and my new haircut is stupid, and nobody likes me. It sucks. I want to be home in bed for, like, a week until the new meds kick in. Yet even the prospect of new meds is scary and upsetting, because what if they don’t work? What if I get worse than I’ve been in a long time? Words like HOSPITAL and MIXED EPISODE flash behind my eyelids. Fear is not the mind-killer, fear is the killer mind. 

Wish me serenity, loyal reader.