Therapy, 10:00am.

Psychiatrist med refill visit, 11:40am.

Walgreens to drop off new prescriptions.

Costco to pick out new glasses (my eyes are getting slightly worse).

Home to get the dental insurance info and let the dogs out for a bit.

Dental cleaning and exam, 2:00pm.

Home to study for a test, and finish an online graded discussion assignment.

Class, 7:00-10:00pm.

Home to feed the dogs, feed the cat, do my hair for tomorrow, hang out with Roomie, pick out an outfit for work, brush my teeth, and blog. 

Now it’s almost midnight and I am wide awake/exhausted. Maybe if I pretend to sleep it will eventually happen. I just took my medication so that should help a lot. Very busy day. And tomorrow I have work to catch up on.

Sigh, loyal reader, sigh. 

It’s snowy again. 
I spent all night editing, and tomorrow I have to do a quiz online for class and finish my editing/send it on it’s way with a smile and hopefully a good review from my client. Tomorrow I also have to involve myself in an online discussion about chapter 3 and 4 of the textbook (which I need to read), and read the assignment of 3 essays about the Norwegian prison system. Wednesday I have therapy at 10:00, my med refill visit with my psychiatrist at 11:40 (same office), and a dental cleaning at 2:00. Then a bit of time before class at 7:00, exactly time enough to panic over quiz 1 in class that night. 
So….wanna buy me Red Bull?

Goodnight, loyal reader.

It’s supposed to snow for the next 4 days.

I’ve been writing at least 500 words a day in my novel, for the past week. Not tonight, as I had class from 7-10. I get to skip Wednesday because it’s my longest day of the week. I bet, loyal reader, that you want to know what I’ve learned thus far. So here is a brief list of Lessons Learned:

1. The story is easier to write when you’re actively reading it as well. You remember things you already said, and threads you have woven into the story. Easier, then, to pick them up and…extended metaphor about pretty needlework.

2. Just because a character is awesome doesn’t mean they may not have to die. 

3. Write….what you know. In my case, I know crazy. My characters are nuts. Go with it. 

4. Of the last few weeks, the week when I have been writing is by far my favorite. In the business of living, I forgot a simple cure to depression: do what you love. The rest will follow. 

5. It helps to actually have a finished manuscript if you want someone to publish your book. If you don’t have a product, what exactly are they supposed to do? Coach you through the second act of a novel when you can’t get words down on paper? Do the damn work. 

6.Publishing is a tricky beast. ‘Patience and persistence’ seems to be the mantra of people working in the publishing field. Submit, make it worth their time, and when you fail (and you will fail), try again. Deal with rejection like a grown-ass woman. Try again. 

7. There is no room in life for jealous for people who are seemingly more successful than you. You have to pour it out of your head. It’s pointless.

8. Be cautiously obsessed with the idea that maybe, just maybe, you’re writing something amazing. 

9. Anxiety is just boredom in a fancy suit. It feels better to be working on something than it does to be worrying over why you never get shit done. Additional inspirational platitudes. 

10. I fucking love commas. 

Off to bed, loyal and charming reader. Sweet dreams!

Ok, loyal reader, you get a blog but I’m tired and it’s late so….five things, go!

1. I auditioned for the Vagina Monologues on Friday, and today they sent out an email saying that everyone gets to be included if they auditioned. Yay?

2. Sociology class is cool but the readings are paranoia fodder. Companies OWN us, apparently. 

3. I got a raise at work and now they’re making me work harder. Figures. 

4.I’m losing weight very very slowly, but my wedding ring fits again!

5. I wrote 528 words tonight in my book. 
Ok, bed time for real now. Goodnight, loyal reader!

There’s been some serious weather happening here lately. The dogs don’t seem to mind much. 

I keep telling myself that I just have to write one more sentence, then another, then another. I really need to get in the habit of writing because the new school semester has begun, and I have homework due Friday. My lecture class begins on Wednesday night, my online course started today. I have to write a short bio for myself, and upload a photo as well. Great, a chance to have my paltry self confidence impressed upon. There was a mandatory plagiarism quiz as well, but I did that during the day today. It’s shaping up to be a busy semester. I have a chapter to read before Wednesday night, and three small assignments for the online course. 

Not to mention I’ve been sick for the last week, and I’m headed to bed early (after a quick blog) to catch up on some sleep. The head cold is mostly gone, save for a stuffy nose and phlegm ridden throat. When I cough it tastes like death. I spent the weekend doing chores and pretending to ignore my sickness, and it seems to have done the trick. Except for the nose and throat. Ahem. In any case, I’m tired and I want to sleep. 

Goodnight, loyal reader, never think that I’ve forgotten about you. I just suck at maintaining a blog. 

This week has been an absolute shitshow. On Monday, I had to leave the office at 1:30pm to visit our 91-year-old, incredibly rich client who only accepts white caregivers. A lot of you will be all like, no, its cool, she’s really old….but we’re actually getting to the point where being old is not an excuse for being racist. Kinda like old people have tattoos now, sometimes? It is not permissible, it is SLIGHTLY understandable, but it’s not cool.

In any case, my bosses are not ones to rock that boat, so they sent the white girl with the CNA in the office. I was just supposed to take out her trash and possibly tidy up a bit….I was there for 4 hours. Around 5:30, (after getting into work at 7:45 that morning), I told her I had better go before it was too dark to drive. Then I drove down and visited my regular client. I worked about 10.5 hours that day. Which isn’t that much compared to the 12 hour shifts the Husband has had to take on, but still god damn annoying.

Then, yesterday, I did all my work for Monday and Tuesday, and my boss/owner SCREAMED at me for not doing a job correctly when he gave me vague and misleading instructions on how to do it. SCREAMED. About how I was going to ruin insurance for everyone because I hadn’t sent out an eligibility list to the district managers last week while he himself was on vacation. Not only that, but it didn’t matter that I had 80% of the list done on my own without the help of the managers. Nope. SCREAMED. Did I cry? no. I took it like a pussy. Because you can’t reason with brats.

Now, if you’re my mom, and you’re worried about me losing my job over a blog calling my boss a brat, I don’t know what to tell you. This is my documentation of my life, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it because someone decides to have a tantrum in my face at the workplace. I never mention the name of my company, and judging by the present I got from my other boss today, they still think my name is spelled ‘JD’. So it’s highly unlikely that they have a vested interest in my personal life let alone my never-mentioned, universally-ignored blog.

Speaking of which, my other boss was my secret Santa. He got me a Donald Trump Chia bust. It was actually kind of hilarious. He knows how I feel about the Orange Menace. I got Newbie, the newest member of our team, an air plant in a nice glass vase. She didn’t thank me.

All in all, it’s a very good thing I’m leaving for Montana tomorrow, because the people here, with a few notable exceptions, are very seriously close to making my shit list. People treat admins (like me) like crap, pile on the work, act like we’re meant to serve them. I’m here to facilitate the office, for sure, but I’m not here to do bitch work constantly and thanklessly. It’s baffling how ungrateful the office can be. I treat my baristas better in the five minutes we interact that do the people who spend all day with me. It’s…..god, it’s depressing.

 

Two years ago, I arrived at my new house in Salt Lake City. 

I’d love to write a big fat post about all I’ve accomplished since, but it’s late and I stayed up to watch Westworld so I’ve no time to blog. TLDR, the dogs love having a yard. That by itself was reason enough to move. Now it’s bedtime, so goodnight, loyal reader! 

I want to go to bed. It’s 8:30 freakin pm. This is a bad sign. 
Technically, it’s a symptom. You see, signs are objective, symptoms are reported by the patient and thus subjective. What you see here, written down for the world to read, are all my symptoms. They’re as honest as I am capable of being, but they’ll always be symptoms. So here goes:
1. Fatigue/general laziness- it’s been a struggle getting up every morning. I want to go to bed crazy early every night. Basically, if there’s no sunlight, I’m out. There’s very little sunlight nowadays, have you noticed? It’s maddening. 
2. Restlessness- fidgeting, making lists, playing with my phone. Always something. Biting my lips to the point where I just know they’re going to crack open like every winter, despite the new fancy lip gloss I got. 
3. Boredom-laziness leads to boredom, boredom begets restlessness, restlessness fades into fatigue, fatigue leads to laziness….
4. Anxiety- watching myself be such a mess makes me feel like the whole world is watching and judging. So much judging. 
5. Over analyzing simple social interactions- Le duh. 
So there’s that. This isn’t a cry for help, I have plenty of that, it’s a record to remind myself later how these things start. When I’m clawing the walls (mentally) in a puddle of blah (physically) come February, I can look back on this and be all like “oh man, I was fidgeting? Musta been fun to have any will to move my body at all…” ha ha. Ha. Ha. So funny from a distance. 
Anyway, my day was normal and uneventful. The highlight of the day was seeing Husband briefly, when we got dinner at the Evil Burrito Corporation made particularly famous by South Park. He was in a surprisingly good mood, and super cute with me. He’s going to Oakland this weekend, and has a stupid schedule until he leaves, so I’ll take whatever short moments I have with him. I love that man so much. 
Loyal reader, don’t be worried about me. This happens. It’s life with Bipolar. Hopefully the holidays will be a small reprieve from the winter doldrums. Frankly I’m hoping for a trip somewhere sunny sometime in my future. But I’ll settle for cuddling with the fur-babies and the cute Husband. Have a good night, and enjoy your sanity if you have it. I envy those with peace of mind. 

I want to go to bed. It’s 8:30 freakin pm. This is a bad sign. 
Technically, it’s a symptom. You see, signs are objective, symptoms are reported by the patient and thus subjective. What you see here, written down for the world to read, are all my symptoms. They’re as honest as I am capable of being, but they’ll always be symptoms. So here goes:
1. Fatigue/general laziness- it’s been a struggle getting up every morning. I want to go to bed crazy early every night. Basically, if there’s no sunlight, I’m out. There’s very little sunlight nowadays, have you noticed? It’s maddening. 
2. Restlessness- fidgeting, making lists, playing with my phone. Always something. Biting my lips to the point where I just know they’re going to crack open like every winter, despite the new fancy lip gloss I got. 
3. Boredom-laziness leads to boredom, boredom begets restlessness, restlessness fades into fatigue, fatigue leads to laziness….
4. Anxiety- watching myself be such a mess makes me feel like the whole world is watching and judging. So much judging. 
5. Over analyzing simple social interactions- Le duh. 
So there’s that. This isn’t a cry for help, I have plenty of that, it’s a record to remind myself later how these things start. When I’m clawing the walls (mentally) in a puddle of blah (physically) come February, I can look back on this and be all like “oh man, I was fidgeting? Musta been fun to have any will to move my body at all…” ha ha. Ha. Ha. So funny from a distance. 
Anyway, my day was normal and uneventful. The highlight of the day was seeing Husband briefly, when we got dinner at the Evil Burrito Corporation made particularly famous by South Park. He was in a surprisingly good mood, and super cute with me. He’s going to Oakland this weekend, and has a stupid schedule until he leaves, so I’ll take whatever short moments I have with him. I love that man so much. 
Loyal reader, don’t be worried about me. This happens. It’s life with Bipolar. Hopefully the holidays will be a small reprieve from the winter doldrums. Frankly I’m hoping for a trip somewhere sunny sometime in my future. But I’ll settle for cuddling with the fur-babies and the cute Husband. Have a good night, and enjoy your sanity if you have it. I envy those with peace of mind. 

I want to go to bed. It’s 8:30 freakin pm. This is a bad sign. 
Technically, it’s a symptom. You see, signs are objective, symptoms are reported by the patient and thus subjective. What you see here, written down for the world to read, are all my symptoms. They’re as honest as I am capable of being, but they’ll always be symptoms. So here goes:
1. Fatigue/general laziness- it’s been a struggle getting up every morning. I want to go to bed crazy early every night. Basically, if there’s no sunlight, I’m out. There’s very little sunlight nowadays, have you noticed? It’s maddening. 
2. Restlessness- fidgeting, making lists, playing with my phone. Always something. Biting my lips to the point where I just know they’re going to crack open like every winter, despite the new fancy lip gloss I got. 
3. Boredom-laziness leads to boredom, boredom begets restlessness, restlessness fades into fatigue, fatigue leads to laziness….
4. Anxiety- watching myself be such a mess makes me feel like the whole world is watching and judging. So much judging. 
5. Over analyzing simple social interactions- Le duh. 
So there’s that. This isn’t a cry for help, I have plenty of that, it’s a record to remind myself later how these things start. When I’m clawing the walls (mentally) in a puddle of blah (physically) come February, I can look back on this and be all like “oh man, I was fidgeting? Musta been fun to have any will to move my body at all…” ha ha. Ha. Ha. So funny from a distance. 
Anyway, my day was normal and uneventful. The highlight of the day was seeing Husband briefly, when we got dinner at the Evil Burrito Corporation made particularly famous by South Park. He was in a surprisingly good mood, and super cute with me. He’s going to Oakland this weekend, and has a stupid schedule until he leaves, so I’ll take whatever short moments I have with him. I love that man so much. 
Loyal reader, don’t be worried about me. This happens. It’s life with Bipolar. Hopefully the holidays will be a small reprieve from the winter doldrums. Frankly I’m hoping for a trip somewhere sunny sometime in my future. But I’ll settle for cuddling with the fur-babies and the cute Husband. Have a good night, and enjoy your sanity if you have it. I envy those with peace of mind.