Hello again after a while, loyal reader. Suffice to say the world has been interesting enough to distract me from my written word. Or rather, I am using all my energy to write documentation for work and administration for the same. I have so many outlets and so little energy for my creative brain….That is one of the several reasons why I am stepping down as a clinical Director and taking a position as an outpatient therapist. I will be officially done with my role as CD as of April 1. (Bad timing, but that is not a joke.)

No, it is not often that people give themselves a demotion, at least not in the places that I have worked. in fact, I spent a great deal of the first five years of my career, wanting to pursue bigger and higher up the ladder roles. I applied as a clinical director at several of the places where I worked before eventually getting the job at my current organization.

Needless to say, as the former gifted child/perfectionist/on the spectrum/every other buzz words you can think of for someone with a spicy brain… I got intertwined with my role and the facility where I work. Although of course, my professional boundaries disallow me to have friendship with people in my facility, it’s impossible to not form a relationship of sorts when you are working in the same building as someone day in and day out. The therapeutic alliance is incredibly important for people to have robust treatment, but it is a fine line that I have found difficult for many clinicians to navigate. Or, put in simpler terms, sometimes people get too caught up in the job. Those are the times when people need to take a step back, re-address their needs, and move forward more mindfully and deliberately. In my case, I needed to re-address my needs in the form of my priorities, which have changed significantly within the last year or so.

First of all, I am so deeply grateful and extremely happy that I am not raising a child at the moment. Raising a dog suits me in just fine, the cats are in a nice addition on top, and that is about all I can realistically handle in my life. I’m not ashamed to say that I am a very high maintenance human, and I have enough going on without adding a small, helpless human to the mix. that continues to be a painful and harsh realization, but that doesn’t make it any less accurate, and it doesn’t make my choice any less difficult. However, I am truly enjoying my freedoms and my goal moving forward is to spend more time traveling, spending time with my loved ones, and making art…essentially doing everything I would do if I were dying soon, but without the dying soon part.

Secondly, I am in no rush to buy and maintain a piece of property right now. The market is just awful and it’s going nowhere good anytime soon. Furthermore, I love where I live, all my maintenance is taken care of, and my apartment is beautiful. I have no interest of going deeply deeply into debt to make a big change that I’m not sure I really would enjoy more than where I am.

Thirdly, I’m quite pleased with my romantic relationships at the moment and have no interest in making huge changes in that department either. I feel very secure, I get awesome attention from beautiful people, it’s very nice. So marriage and a solo relationship, also, have dropped off the priority list.

And lastly, but by no means, least, I want Time to be able to make the art… Both theater and visual… that I need to create in order to feel fulfilled in my life. I have ideas of several fun projects that really need to get fleshed out and worked on and maybe even produced in the real world instead of just my imagination. I have been neglecting this side of myself, and the rare occasions were in. I have been able to perform or be artistic in someway have been a few, but delightful and necessary. Some people find their Zen moment in exercise, some in prayer, I find it in collaborative art. Get

ting back into Improv within the last year has been so rewarding, and relationships that have gotten stronger in the improv world are ones that I just treasure. Some of the people who I play with I have known for over 20 years, so they have seen me be a lot of different versions of myself and loved me throughout. It’s a very good feeling to be around people of that nature. Also, I have done a lot of people’s projects (good and bad) and I am very curious who would be likewise engaged and interested in working with a project that I started on my own . I have a few good ideas, I’m pretty sure.

All these priorities have one person in mind, namely, me. Not to say that I am endlessly giving, and without any sort of support. But my cup has been consistently empty, often, for quite some time and change is absolutely critical. Do I like change? Not in particular, dear reader, not at all.

I have had a few panic attacks related to this change in work, more than a few actually. I cringe when I think about the actual process of moving my office from one building to another, and I’ve already started mentally packing and cleaning and sorting. For those of you who know me well, you may know that one of my stress dreams that I have on repeat is one where I have to move immediately out of my house and I have nowhere to go. I absolutely hate the process of moving. I have so many things that are so difficult to carry in the car, including a large and very wonderful plant stand wrapped in a vine that I have had for years and would really prefer to not lose on the transfer to my new location. So that’s been a stress and a concern, although it won’t help me to worry about it until closer to the end of the month.

I am also moving buildings, which means that the people I see from day today will be completely different folks than the ones I currently see five days a week, 8 to 10 hours a day. That’s a big blow to my confidence and a sad consequence of moving jobs. I absolutely love working with the people that I work with at my current location. Leaving them is definitely the hardest part of this entire situation.

By the time my birthday rolls around, I will be a month into a new job, have an entirely different schedule, and never be on call again. At least that last bit seems pretty fantastic to me.

Wish me luck, send me good wishes, I’ll even take the occasional thought and prayer.