to get the L for my LCSW, I have supervision; meeting with a non-manager, not-directly my boss, wonderful LCSW for an hour a week. This will continue for another, oh, say, 15 months, give or take, and then I’ll qualify for the magnificent L. I have a great supervisor with knowledge and experience, warm humor and absurdly familiar anxiety, and I’m so glad to have her. However, I cry during supervision sometimes. Sometimes this job hurts.

Now I mentioned the job last week, and I don’t want to rehash things, ever if they still apply to my life. So no x talk, no job talk, not today. Except for mentioning that I will be taking off the last day of this week to take an overnight trip down south to get my head together, and I’m counting the hours. I really need to write some fiction. I’m good at it, and you should practice what you’re good at and also love. Trite, I know, but doing good feels good. Feeling good is not selfish. I write these things to remind myself.

Ten things post!

1. The place I’m visiting next week is the same place I’m going for my birthday, if you recall, dutiful reader. It should be about 55 degrees and stormy, just my sort of weather, just perfect for relaxing in a hot spring/ writing in a gypsy wagon.
2. I’m debating working on a new story, or working on the long awaited Book. I really haven’t had much inspiration for either. Stephen King says that writing isn’t something you do when you’re ‘inspired’, it’s a damn job and you work at it. Of course, I write mostly for fun, but damn does the man make a good point. You don’t practice the piano ‘only when inspired’ and expect to get that concerto sounding presentable. Practice is required no matter how much talent you’ve got. I’m getting off track. New story or old? Hmmm.
3. Did I mention I auditioned this weekend, and it didn’t further cripple my confidence? I went to a big improv audition, and I did great! Good enough that even Jady had a hard time arguing that Jady sucks. Which is impressive and feels….what’s this feeling? Oh, right, competent. Of course, shit-talk Jady would point out that after nearly 2 decades of improv, I should be at least adequate. But shit-talk Jady is a notorious sandbagger. Don’t listen.
4. I got cold cream. I have no idea how it works but I think I need a washcloth too? I’ll look it up on YouTube. The important thing is, this means I can remove makeup AND feel like an old time movie star. It’s the little things.
5. Made chili again this weekend. I also bought oodles of vegetables and am attempting to eat heathy, or at the very least, homemade food this week. My diet app has made it very clear that I don’t do anything towards reaching my weight goal. Partially I accept that….partially I’m disappointed in myself. Partially I’m annoyed at the universe that created a person who was thin for so many years without effort, and then gained weight, and now can’t lose it without extraordinary effort. It’s not fair. whine cry bitch moan.
6. There’s a new hot yoga studio in town, with a $20 for 20 days special going on right now…if it’s open yet. I messaged them on Facebook to inquire as to the schedule. I love my Bikram studio, but the classes severely clash with my schedule. I have a treadmill in the clubhouse as a last resort; I’d much prefer to go to a class and get my ass motivated by someone I can pay for enthusiasm. Did I mention I’m carrying weight I don’t enjoy? Does that mean I can make myself work out? It’s harder than my skinny healthy friends make it look.
7. I’m also cutting down on smoking, for no other reason than I want my mouth to taste good.
8. In short, I’m feeling pretty confident, and that’s the time at which one should make decisions for their body and health, much as I enjoy rage-eating sugar cookies and cheese….and have good reasons for bad choices….I’d like to feel better.
9. Part of feeling better is enjoying micro victories, like finishing all ten things when I said I would, instead of deleting this less than stellar post.
10. God damn, Shit-Talk Jady is in full swing. must be Sunday. Fuckin’ Sunday Dreadfuls.