I want to be a non smoker.

I started smoking 15 years ago, because my boyfriend did it. Now, follow along with me, folks, that’s not a valid reason to do anything, now is it? Turns out it’s crazy addictive. Turns out I have issues coping with life stressors…and it provides a shitty escape for that too! Aren’t we learning fun new Jady facts tonight?

I hate not smoking. I hate every clean, crisp breath of non intoxicated air in my wizened old lungs. I hate all you happy non smoking people with your feasibly less life-ruining bad habits. I hate that a man started me smoking, but only I can make myself stop. I want that responsibility in someone else’s hands, someone with willpower, someone strong. I feel so freakishly helpless and pathetic right now.

I have literally planned my day for the last decade around when I could smoke and where. I have a newfound respect for everyone battling addiction, especially when it’s practically on every street corner. Say what you will about how quitting smoking is easy, detox is a beast.

Got some gum in my cheek, my vape is charging upstairs. Tomorrow, no cigarettes at all.

Wish me luck, loyal reader.