Sometimes, being awesome ruins things.

For example, one of the teachers at my practicum put little treat bags in our mailboxes today, and they included a packet of store-bought cider mix. I heated up some water, stirred it into the cider mix, let it cool a bit, had a drink….and god damn, this cider tastes nothing like the honey crisp apple cider with tuaca, spiced rum and ginger liquor that my husband makes. He’s ruined me with his brilliant cider. Boxed cider packets pale in comparison. Sure, I’ll sip this powdered concoction, but it’s simply not the same.

Likewise, I’ve been on disability for 6 years, got bumped off this March, and got reinstated this August, then got bumped off again. I’m pretty fucking sure that my hand hasn’t grown back, so despite the asymptomatic nature of my bipolar (for NOW), I really shouldn’t have to prove I’m disabled. But the office of the SSA seems to think I’ve gotten ‘better’ (dubiously true), so they’re cutting me off again. Now, the real reason I need to be on disability, for all you haters, is not the monetary support I get every 4th Wednesday of the month, but rather the medicare benefits that make it so I can afford my medication. So y’all can stop whining about giving someone without a wheelchair ‘free money’.

Now, the irony of all this rigamarole is that without medicare, which comes with disability, I would be unable to get my meds, I would turn stupendously crazy, and THEN I’d be disabled ‘enough’ to get on disability. Obviously I can’t put my family through that just to prove a point, and (less) obviously my parents are in a lucky-not-lucky position where they CAN pay for my meds at market value, it’s just about a $1000 a month and god damn it, they’re retiring soon. Give them a fucking cushion to rest on, SSA. Don’t make them make that choice.

What makes me absolutely furious, what boils my blood, is that there are countless other people who are far more impaired than I, whose parents don’t have a $1000 to pitch in for the medications they sorely need. I’m the god damn Meryl Streep of bipolar 1: namely, relatively comfortable and outwardly fabulous. THIS IS NOT COMMON OR NORMAL FOR PEOPLE WITH MY DISORDER. My therapist put it this way: I’m the most high-functioning bipolar she’s ever met. And I need medicare so I don’t go south fast, dragging my dear family with me. The thought of saving money is laughable right now. The idea that I would have to get private insurance is economically infuriating.

I don’t know exactly what happened with the SSA at the beginning of this year, but I have. my. suspicions. Certain assholes who got elected, certain assholes who needed to pump up their minuscule balls by cutting funding and support for programs that help millions, just so these same assholes could say they were ‘shaking up’ shit for the political world. In they process of draining the swamp, people like me, but without the resources to fight back, got drowned.

Well guess what, Nameless Faceless Cowards? I have the competence to tell you exactly what I think of you. I have the words to say how much this sucks, explain the process, and get people on my side. Because, face it, Assholes, there’s already a lot of people on my side. We’re sick of you picking on people who can’t always fight back. You want a fight? Any time, anywhere.

I don’t normally ask this, but please pass on and share. Thanks, Loyal Reader.