Memoirs of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

I wonder how long I will keep blogging.

I wonder who even reads this (hi godfather).

I wonder why I think people should. Read this, I mean.

I would like to think that somehow, somewhere, someone gains strength from reading how I continue to struggle and strive to be the best human I can be. I’m not asking you, dear reader, to come out of the darkness and somehow validate my words… But I am though, aren’t i? Isn’t it a little bit like dying inside to know that my words will never feel fully completed until they are read by someone who needs to see them? Can’t they just be beautiful words, or do they need purpose to fully express who I am as a writer? What is a writer without an audience?

It has been my experience that dabbling never works for me, I am either entirely into something or simply not involved. My writing, for example, is something that I do pretty consistently but not very deeply and I think it suffers all the more for that. I was very invested in my writing in my mid 20s, nothing that I ever got published but work that I thought was important and something that no one else could do as I did. I don’t spend my time looking for publication now, partially because I simply don’t have the time to get my writing to the point where it would be publishable, partially because I don’t have the confidence to say “read this it’s good, I promise”, and mostly because I am doing a masters program that gobbles up my time like a hungry monster and makes it very difficult to focus on anything as complex as the writing I have been pursuing lately.

But then…Sam and Tom are in the street hurting each other’s feelings and fighting Former Humans, Ben and Susan just decided to put plans for a baby on hold, Xibal is in figurative if not literal limbo, and the poor gypsies haven’t even gotten stage time yet. So I must soldier on, I’ve invested 44,811 words into this damn opus, and some of the words are good.

I have a lot of writing to do to get to the 90,000 I need to publish…..actually, 100,000 would be better so I can trim it in editing.

Tonight, however, I’m going to just read what I have so far, then read homework, then read more of my own.

Sorry about a lack of pictures in this post, but I wanted you to focus on the words, loyal reader. Indulge me.