I have been struggling lately. Struggling and yet, out of struggle comes growth. You have to feel pain to know the joys of pleasure, right? You have to work hard to reap well-earned rewards. 

First of all, I’m trying to lose weight, which was is harder than I ever thought it would be. I have a supportive family and the physical ability to do excercises, so I’m way ahead of a lot of people. What I lack is motivation fueled by results, as I’ve plateaued at around the same weight for over 6 months. I eat crap and I gain a few pounds, I eat next to nothing and I either stay the same or dip a little. I’m actually dreading my camping trip this Memorial Day because I’m certain that someone is going to ask me if I’m pregnant. Nope, just fatter than when I left California. Would love to be preggers, thanks for rubbing it in. It does occur to me, however, that I may just look the same. Only fatter. And there won’t be questions at all. Just silent observation. 

But maybe my friends don’t care….maybe they don’t see me as fat. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am who I want to look good for. Maybe I know I can do better. 

Maybe.

Second of all, I am working on my mental state. I don’t know if this is Harder or just more complicated. 

And now writers block is back. 
Fuck.
Goodnight, loyal reader.