I’ve been taking anti-anxiety meds every night. They help me get to sleep, sleep longer and dream less horrific things. The trick is, when you take something like, for instance, Xanax, every day, it builds up in your system and creates a tolerance. That means you need a progressively higher dose to produce the same effect. It’s like I’m working out and gaining muscle and need more weight to get the same workout, (except for the fact that working out is for losers and highly effective jerks.*)

Soooo….I’m not taking any anti-anxiety meds tonight. Instead I’m trying relaxation techniques, blogging like I promised myself I’d do, and sleeping with the nightlight on, which is silly but calming. I really want to bug the Husband, but he has work at 5am and he’s already asleep. I really want to blather on Facebook about my problems and get a downpour of support, but frankly it’s been a not-statistically-insignificant drizzle lately…

I’ve realized a couple of things. 

1. Wearing your heart on your sleeve and expecting the average person to treat it lovingly is a recipe for disappointment. 
2.  Needing outside validation is something to work on.
3. Your real friends generally know your phone number.
4. …but they won’t always answer or call when you want them to.
5. …and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. 
6. Blogging is for the writer, not the reader, and forgetting that leads to bad prose. 
7. You break habits and end addictions simply by letting go of the unattainable and impossible.
8. ….but dreams and hope will sustain you in your darkest days. 

Listen, loyal reader, I’d love to go on and on about the meaning of life, but I have to be better to myself. Sleep is not a luxury I can forgoe. One more day of work and it’s party time. Yay and so on. 
*just kidding, people who work out. You’re cool and I really hope we can discuss how many reps you can do someday.