lovely evening to be awake at 4am, isn’t it?
Usually, if I’m awake this late, it’s because my brain is being an asshole and telling me I’m going to ruin the world by being a loser. Bully Brain has actually been rather quiet as of late, but just to give you an example of how It talks to me, I made these handy memes:

    

Aren’t they terrible? Isn’t my brain an ass? When I read them over, they make me immeasurably amused, because they’re just so ridiculous. I have always been neurotic, but it’s only since I was successfully diagnosed (it took a few tries) bipolar, that I realized: not everybody beats themself up as often or throughly as I do. It’s not something that just has to happen. It can be curbed. 

So I try to raise my self confidence with simple things. Take compliments to heart. Dress pretty even when I don’t have to. Do projects that give me a sense of accomplishment. Pretend to be confident (this one works especially well in social situations). Maintain my hygiene, *mentally and physically.  Surrounding myself with good people. Have a goddamn sense of humor. 

It works, mostly, although there are some days when my defenses break down and I’m an anxious wreck; curled up on the couch thinking the dogs don’t love me anymore or some such thing. Bully Brain has a field day and the anti-anxiety meds are on the menu. They work….mostly. Frankly, I’ve had better anti-anxiety meds, but they’re not available in Utah. Yet. 

In any case, my brain is being good to me lately, and I don’t want to jinx it. So I will just say that wherever Bully Brain is, I hope it’s pleasant enough to warrant an extended vacation. Don’t rush home, BB. 

Speaking of rushing home, the Husband gets back either tonight or tomorrow. I’m crazy excited to see his tall, tattooed self. He’s been sweet and loving in text messages, but I’m somewhat sick of typing our relationship. His mistress, Burning Man, has had him long enough. He’s my man, bitch. Back off til next year. 

Good morning and happy Labor Day, loyal reader. Have a lovely holiday!
*by mental hygiene I mean the stuff I put into my brain, whether it be media, conversation, or stimuli of any sort. I try to avoid crap.